Let Me Have You

I am soooo busy he doesnt let me have 5 mins to myself. He wants me to be on every issue he cares about and the intrest of one is driving the other insane. It was so cute when he saw having dinner with him the little look he got on his face. And the casual question as to wether he wants me in his life or not. So very sweet. But he should know that I want him. So badly that it hurts. Good Lord help me. When he touches the chills can kill and a tone can get me so hot and bothered, just slam him against a wall and hurt him. Heaven help me!!! Why are you soooo damn sexy?! I will end up doing something I regret.

Good Bye

So I never thought that I would be able to let go of you but I did. Your friendship was important to me but I wasnt important to you. But I am fine with that. Now I can say goodbye to you and hello to me. The me that I gave up for you. The me that I abandoned. The me that made me happy. I will never be the kinda girl that you want me to be and if this is an attempt to make me change then you have failed sadly. You actually ruined it. I was willing to change for you but you didnt want to wait and let it happen. You wanted to rush it and it fell apart. So good bye, you will not be missed and it is your own damn fault, deal with it!

What The Hell Happened To The Blue Skies?!

So today started with a forecast for sunny skies with pretty fluffy clouds. I had a great day dressed in my brown outfit which made me feel peppy. According to all I looked cute. I shone brighter than the sun as I basked in praise. Suddenly a cloud passed overhead as I was given new that was sure to draw thunder clouds, nonetheless my sunny disposition drove it away. But then I queried as to what happened and boy did those clouds come fast!! Soon it had become a full blown hurricane, and then I just gave up and I let the friendship go to the wind. I no longer have him as a friend. He has hurt me for the last time.

Weekend Off

So I went home this weekend!
Came back all happy and refreshed!
So I went shopping!
Got new pretty clothes!
Loved every moment of it!
Came to school in light blue never wore that colour before. It looked ok or so everyone said. Friends are great but sometimes they can just tell you what you need to hear. Hope I looked ok. He didnt comment. Not one word. Guess the effort didnt pay off. Wanted to cry. I am sooo stupid. I mean why would he care? No reason for him to at all. I am just some girl that he has to interact with. Nothing more... I guess that is what hurts soooo much!!!1
I guess it is gym to rake my mind off the pain!

Hmm....

Going home today for the first time in about a month. I finally have my work cleared up so I can take a day off. That is what I get, 24 hours at home and then I have to come back to my apartment. I just realized that apartment is so appropriate a name simply because you are apart from the ones you love. Never really saw it that way before now. But I will not be here and I will miss you. I will dream of you. As much as I hate being here, I hate being there without you. So in the long run do I prefer apart from my family who knows that I love them or you who does not? Hmm....

Grand Scheme of Things

In the grand scheme of the Universe we are nothing but space dust. Nothing but a twist in the wind. I just wish that life would make more sense. I wish I knew why things work out the way that they do. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a grand plan because if there is I dont see it at all. Gosh I wish I knew how it would all work out. But them it means that I will understand the Grand Scheme. Dont I wish!

Dreams

Today yet again I thought of you and smiled. They said that it was a smile that brought a light to the room. I guess the joy that you bring to my life just shines throught me and lights up the world. I just wish you could know of that joy and want to share it with me. But I know that is just a wish, a hope, a prayer. God I love you and I cant help it. And I will have to live without you and just dream. I didnt get to be with you today. I hope that I can survive this weekend without you.

Secret Places

I can write what I feel like here and never worry because I have not told you about here and have no intention of doing so. This is my secret place to whisper all my hidden things. I speak of my love for you and the denied joy I will never feel in your arms. I speak of the joys which blazes with me heart when you say my name. I speak of the hopes I hugs close to me at night when I dream of you. I know you will never find here so I will let loose my soul and let it fly to heaven with my prayer for you. I know that I cannot have you but a girl can dream.

Why?

Why do I feel disturbed by the thought of you with her?
Why did I not feel that way of the thought of him with her?
Why do I tingle when I think of you?
Why do I just smile when you pop into my mind like a msn alert?
Why dont you look at me when I speak to you?
Why do I think that you dont feel the same way?
Why do I think that I will slam straight into a brick wall?
Why do I stare at you lips?
Why do I think of dove soft eyes?
Why do I just wanna make you happy?
Why dont I just tell you how I feel?
I dont know!
Why dont I?